karla kwist
366 post s
5-May-2008
11:06 PM
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This focuses on invalidation, or "putting other people down to bring yourself up." We know that the cycle of DV includes the desire to gain power and control over another person. In domestic violence, the abuser invalidates the experience of the victim. However, even in relationships that are not considered violent, there is often invalidation. Nine methods of invalidation are:
1. Uncertainty- The invalidator keeps you in a constant state of uncertainty. She/he rarely gives you an answer- just vagueness with no commitment.
2. Projection- The invalidator takes his own feelings and puts the responsibility for them onto you, as if these feelings originated with you.
3. Generalization- The exaggerations of small truths.
4. Manipulation- This is bad control. The invalidator uses devious, covert, or overt methods because he/she is compelled to win or to be in control.
5. Sneak Attack- The words are sweet, but underneath are daggers. "I don't want to upset you, but. . ." "I don't mean to interrupt. . . "
6. Double Message- The invalidator who is doing this says, "How are you?" But she verbalizes the words to you in a voice of disgust.
7. Cutting Communication- He/She asks you a question about yourself, then cuts you off before you finish answering.
8. Building you up, Cutting you down. The invalidator will shower you with compliments until you are totally dependent on him, then he will take you apart piece by piece until you are in his control.
9. The Double Bind- One of the meanest, sneakiest tricks of the invalidators. You are stuck between two bad options.
Compiled by Shanyn Aysta Psy.D
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