This focuses on the often overlooked victims of DV, children. The content of this lecture comes from the book The Domestic Violence Sourcebook by Dawn Bradley Berry, JD. As we talk about the implications of domestic violence, it is imperative to address children and adolescents. It is not only battered women who suffer devastating and permanent injury as a result of abuse. Children who grow up in violent homes are tragically affected in many ways. Dr. Richard Gelles, one of the leaders in the study of domestic violence, has been quoted as stating “the worst thing that can happen to children is to grow up in an abusive family.”

Children in Abusive Homes:
Kids in homes where there is violence between adults are 2-3 times more likely to be abused than other kids. A 1994 study from Yale found that spouse abuse was the SINGLE most significant context for child abuse. In a sample of child homicides investigated by the New York City Child Welfare Agency found that the mother was also a DV victim in 71% of the cases. So, BOTH studies found that the most common child abuser was a man who also abuses his partner.

Kids are often injured in the cross fire of DV, when furniture and other large objects are thrown or overturned. Young kids often suffer concussions and broken bones. Older children often try to intervene to protect their mother. One study found that 62% of sons over 14 years old who tried to intervene were hurt trying to protect them.

Even thought kids may not receive physical injuries from DV in the some, they suffer severe emotional trauma. Each year, millions of children witness their mothers being emotionally abused, physically battered, and sexually assaulted by their fathers or other men. Many victims think they are sheltering their children, but the kids hear screams, see injuries, and live in an atmosphere of terror and tension.

Children learn that home includes violence. Children in violent homes live in a constant state of uncertainty and instability. In one study of kids living in battered women’s shelters, 85% of them had lived with other family or friends. Psychologists have found a high number of kids suffer from guilt, anger, depression, anxiety, shyness, nightmares, aggression, irritability, and problems getting along with others.

Children often blame themselves for the violence, or devote all their own energy to whatever they think will keep their parents from fighting. They exhibit poor health, low self-esteem, difficulty sleeping, and feelings of powerlessness.

Since a lot of human learning is based on MODELING, kids learn by seeing and emulating. Thus, kids growing up in homes where there is domestic violence learn to be violent. Some research suggests that children who are exposed to violence early in life experience altered brain development- oftentimes they have an exaggerated reliance on the primitive flight or flight response.
Both physical and intellectual growth may be slowed in children from violent homes. Some psychologists have found that even indirect exposure (hearing the violence and not seeing it) just ONE time can be very traumatic. Often, the younger the child, the more proufound the impact of DV because children have not yet learned the coping mechanisms that older children and adults use.

Children from abusive homes seldom learn constructive ways of resolving conflicts and tend to choose either overly passive or aggressive strategies when trying to resolve disputes. Children also show problems with empathy and often have trouble developing intimate relationships.

Many women who are victims of DV recognize the trauma their children endure, yet they feel that they are in a dilemma. They don’t want to take their children away from their father and feel guilty for “breaking up” the family.

Perhaps the MOST disturbing effect of family violence is that it teaches kids that violence is the way a family should function. According to one major research study, sons who witnessed their father’s violence had a 1,000% higher battering rate as adults than sons who did not witness violence. The most POWERFUL teaching tool for children is their parents’ example.

Society has accepted the fact that direct child abuse should be considered a serious and unacceptable social issue, but few see these “secondary” victims in the home where only the mother is battered as child abuse. Do you think we ought to change the definitions of child abuse? How about Spousal abuse in the presence of a child is also child abuse?

Women who seek a divorce from their abusive husbands face special concerns in dealing with child custody arrangements. Abusers sometimes fight for custody of children as another means of controlling and antagonizing a woman who left him.

Special Programs for Children:
There is some good news when it comes to kids and Domestic Violence. Research has shown that just one warm, caring adult to love a child and say “What’s happening to you isn’t right, it isn’t fair, and it’s not your fault” can make a huge difference.

In some areas, treatment programs are offered for the “forgotten” victims of DV. Minnesota’s Domestic Abuse Project (DAP), in Minneapolis has been a leader in this effort. You can check them out at www.domesticabuseproject.org.

Domestic Violence is devastating to kids and adolescents. So often we just think of the adults involved and “overlook” the often forgotten victims, the kids.

Compiled by Dr. Shanyn Aysta Psy.D

CHILDREN COPING WITH CHILDREN COPING WITH
FAMILY VIOLENCE:

TRUANCY
TEEN PREGNANCY
USE OF
PORNOGRAPHY
DATE RAPE
SUBSTANCE ABUSE
RUNAWAYS

Children
Living in
Violent
Homes:

SEXUAL
ASSAULTS
SEXUAL
HARASSMENT FOOD
ADDICTIONS
VIOLENCE ON
OUR STREETS
NEW
GENERATIONS
OF VIOLENT
FAMILIES
VIOLENCE AT
SCHOOL