karla kwist
358 post s
5-May-2008
10:39 PM
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This introduces you to the some of the myths of domestic violence, varying forms of violence which includes psychological abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. Often times, we just think of physical abuse when we reference domestic violence yet domestic violence encompasses so much more. Domestic violence is not limited to physical battering, but may include other forms of abuse as well. Psychologist and author Susan Forward, Ph.D., has described abuse as “. . . any behavior that is intended to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults . . . it is the systematic persecution of one partner by another.” If you are honest with yourself, you may have asked yourself any or all of the following questions: Why doesn’t she just leave an abuse partner? What kind of woman “lets” a man beat her? What kind of man lets a woman beat him? Why would any woman live with a violent man, a man who says he loves her, yet hurts her? The answers to these questions are not as easy as we might think. The dynamics of domestic violence are not simple. The reasons why women just “don’t leave” are vast. Domestic Violence affects all types of people: young and old, rich or poor, black and white, atheists and fundamentalist Christians. Throughout this course I will often use the female gender to refer to the victims of domestic violence, and the male gender to refer to the abusers. I do this because an estimated 95% of the victims of domestic violence are female. I in no way want to come across as sexist, as domestic violence is also perpetrated on men, which is equally tragic. As you think about the concepts of domestic violence, take some time and read through the checklist below of physical, emotional, and sexual signs of abuse. As you read the (partial) list, think about whether you agree or disagree with the items. What is Abuse? A checklist. . . **Abuse includes physical, sexual, or emotional attacks ranging from mild to lethal. Ask yourself whether your intimate partner has done any of these things to you: Physical Abuse: Pushed or shoved you Held you to keep you from leaving Slapped or bit you Hit or punched you Thrown objects at you Locked you in or out of the house Abandoned you in dangerous places Refused to help you when you were ill, injured, or pregnant Subjected you to reckless driving Forced you off the road or kept you from driving Raped you Threatened to hurt you with a weapon Sexual Abuse: Told anti-women jokes or made demeaning remarks about women Treated women as sex objects Been jealously angry, assuming you would have sex with any available man Insisted you dress in a more sexual way than you wanted Minimized the importance of your feelings about sex Criticized you sexually Withheld Sex and affection Called you sexual names like whore, frigid Forced you to strip when you didn’t want to Publicly showed sexual interest in other women Had affairs with other women after agreeing to be monogamous Forced sex with him or others or forced you to watch Forced sex when you were ill or it was a danger to your health Forced Sex for the purpose of hurting you with objects Committed sadistic sexual acts Emotional abuse is often very difficult to define and recognize. Emotional abuse can range from subtle and covert to blatant and overt words and/or behaviors. Emotional Abuse: Ignored your feelings Shaming someone by name calling (fat, lazy, stupid, bitch, silly, ugly, failure) Ridiculed or insulted women as a group Ridiculed or insulted your most valued beliefs, your religion, race, heritage, or class Withheld approval, appreciation or affection as punishment Continually criticized you, called you names, shouted at you Insulted or drove away your friends or family Humiliated you in public or private Refused to socialize with you Kept you from working, controlled your money, made all decisions Refused to work or share money Took car keys or money away Regularly threatened to leave or told you to leave Threatened to hurt you or your family Punished or deprived the children when he was angry at you Threatened to kidnap the children if you left him Abused pets to hurt you Harassed you about affairs he imagined you were having Manipulated you with lies and contradictions How many of these items have applied to you or someone you know?Compiled by Dr. Shanyn Aysta, Psy.D
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