karla kwist
358 post s
5-May-2008
10:39 PM
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This introduces you to the some of the myths of domestic violence, varying forms of violence which includes psychological abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. Often times, we just think of physical abuse when we reference domestic violence yet domestic violence encompasses so much more. Domestic violence is not limited to physical battering, but may include other forms of abuse as well. Psychologist and author Susan Forward, Ph.D., has described abuse as “. . . any behavior that is intended to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults . . . it is the systematic persecution of one partner by another.”
If you are honest with yourself, you may have asked yourself any or all of the following questions: Why doesn’t she just leave an abuse partner? What kind of woman “lets” a man beat her? What kind of man lets a woman beat him? Why would any woman live with a violent man, a man who says he loves her, yet hurts her? The answers to these questions are not as easy as we might think. The dynamics of domestic violence are not simple. The reasons why women just “don’t leave” are vast. Domestic Violence affects all types of people: young and old, rich or poor, black and white, atheists and fundamentalist Christians.
Throughout this course I will often use the female gender to refer to the victims of domestic violence, and the male gender to refer to the abusers. I do this because an estimated 95% of the victims of domestic violence are female. I in no way want to come across as sexist, as domestic violence is also perpetrated on men, which is equally tragic.
As you think about the concepts of domestic violence, take some time and read through the checklist below of physical, emotional, and sexual signs of abuse. As you read the (partial) list, think about whether you agree or disagree with the items.
What is Abuse? A checklist. . .
**Abuse includes physical, sexual, or emotional attacks ranging from mild to lethal. Ask yourself whether your intimate partner has done any of these things to you:
Physical Abuse:
Pushed or shoved you
Held you to keep you from leaving
Slapped or bit you
Hit or punched you
Thrown objects at you
Locked you in or out of the house
Abandoned you in dangerous places
Refused to help you when you were ill, injured, or pregnant
Subjected you to reckless driving
Forced you off the road or kept you from driving
Raped you
Threatened to hurt you with a weapon
Sexual Abuse:
Told anti-women jokes or made demeaning remarks about women
Treated women as sex objects
Been jealously angry, assuming you would have sex with any available man
Insisted you dress in a more sexual way than you wanted
Minimized the importance of your feelings about sex
Criticized you sexually
Withheld Sex and affection
Called you sexual names like whore, frigid
Forced you to strip when you didn’t want to
Publicly showed sexual interest in other women
Had affairs with other women after agreeing to be monogamous
Forced sex with him or others or forced you to watch
Forced sex when you were ill or it was a danger to your health
Forced Sex for the purpose of hurting you with objects
Committed sadistic sexual acts
Emotional abuse is often very difficult to define and recognize. Emotional abuse can range from subtle and covert to blatant and overt words and/or behaviors.
Emotional Abuse:
Ignored your feelings
Shaming someone by name calling (fat, lazy, stupid, bitch, silly, ugly, failure)
Ridiculed or insulted women as a group
Ridiculed or insulted your most valued beliefs, your religion, race, heritage, or class
Withheld approval, appreciation or affection as punishment
Continually criticized you, called you names, shouted at you
Insulted or drove away your friends or family
Humiliated you in public or private
Refused to socialize with you
Kept you from working, controlled your money, made all decisions
Refused to work or share money
Took car keys or money away
Regularly threatened to leave or told you to leave
Threatened to hurt you or your family
Punished or deprived the children when he was angry at you
Threatened to kidnap the children if you left him
Abused pets to hurt you
Harassed you about affairs he imagined you were having
Manipulated you with lies and contradictions
How many of these items have applied to you or someone you know?Compiled by Dr. Shanyn Aysta, Psy.D
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